I'd like to call dibs on one small section of it. One sentence, actually:
"...the Bulls were (with the notable exception of the '85 Bears) the greatest collection of human talent ever assembled for a common purpose."
I have to stop now, and process my rage, lest I spew completely incoherent babble and spit mouth-foam all over my keyboard. I'll come back to this, but I wanted to throw that out there.
The rest of it's all yours, Sexual Harassment Panda.