The Devil's Advocate

I mean, just look at that cover, the cover of an issue of what once considered itself (and was considered by many others) to be sports journalism's paragon. I'll be the first to admit that A-Rod always seemed a little flaky for a star of his diameter, but I have trouble believing there's an even remotely sane human being who could have handled the press he received in N.Y. without turning into a whiny bitch. I mean, even Sports Illustrated got involved with the True Yankee shit! Good lord.

It was surprising to see a majority of writers I actually respect opine in the past few weeks that A-Rod was a safe bet to stay in N.Y. I was strongly in the camp that opting-out was a no-brainer, regardless any threats by the Yanks that they weren't going to chase if he did so. In addition to the fact that he'll likely do better over the next eight years signing a free agent contract than he would have by taking the Yankees' extension offer, I think Boras really wanted A-Rod to reset the market, since he'll have some extremely valuable free agents coming up the next couple of years (no, I'm not suggesting Boras "controls" A-Rod, just has his ear) and the last time we saw a noticeable spike in salaries was right after A-Rod's first free agent deal.

But, more than anything, I think A-Rod just wanted the out of New York, and I can't blame him. As a bonus, he'll get the opportunity to tell a lot of people that they can go fuck themselves; you've got to believe, by this point, that Rodriguez has got to have that irrational, pregnant-woman anger at the Yankees, if not everyone in baseball. Why, you ask? Peep Exhibit No. 657,266,282:

"It's clear he didn't want to be a Yankee," Hank Steinbrenner, a son of Yankees owner George Steinbrenner and now the figurehead of the club's baseball operations, told the New York Daily News. "He doesn't understand the privilege of being a Yankee on a team where the owners are willing to pay $200 million to put a winning product on the field.

"I don't want anybody on my team that doesn't want to be a Yankee."

First of all, it's impressive that Hank already appears to be less capable of shutting his fucking mouth than his father. Looking past that, I find it incredible that A-Rod has constantly been accused of not appreciating the "privilege" to be the best player on the Yankees. Here is a short list of things that prove A-Rod appreciated it just fine:

• Constantly said to everyone who would listen that he loved being a Yankee;
• Did not murder Jason Giambi when the steroid-addled, .275 EqA-ing asshole called him out in the media for not being "clutch" enough;
  
• Sacrificed the opportunity to be known as the single-greatest shortstop in the history of the game (by a wider margin than one that's seen at any other position, with the possible exception of center field) so a lesser, more egotistical yet mysteriously more beloved player could continue costing the team 1 to 2 games by way of abhorrent defense;
• Has hit 1,700 gazillion home runs for the Yankees in a very short period of time;
• Did not murder Joe Torre when the manager attempted to humiliate him in the playoffs by batting him eighth;
• Did not murder George Steinbrenner for not immediately firing Torre after the latter tried to humiliate the team's best player in the playoffs by batting him eighth;
• Did not murder random dog for being batted eighth by manager in playoffs;
• Did not have building of New York Post bombed.

It's evident that to whatever degree a player should show his appreciation for being a Yankee, A-Rod has far surpassed it if only in terms of patience. If Paul O'Neill took 1/10th of the shit in the media that A-Rod has, there wouldn't be a single functioning toilet in the clubhouse to this day. Probably the only player in recent memory to get savaged in the New York press like A-Rod was Chuck Knoblauch, and — while this is admittedly a cruel way to look at it — at least Knoblauch did something so incredibly and blatantly scorn-worthy that the coverage was to be expected. I mean, he couldn't make a throw to first base from 50 feet away. A-Rod's biggest crime is that he doesn't hit titanic home runs at exactly the moment everyone wants him to. Because, you know, he's selfish.

But here's the real problem: Why is it that the Yankees still think players should be grateful for the opportunity to be Yankees? I get the history and shit, but really that's for fans. And, even if playing in front of a bunch of plaques for dead crackers Monument Park is a big deal for players, is it a big enough deal to put up with the rest of the shit (Steinbrenner, Steinbrenner's kids, the New York media, Joe Girardi's teeth, New York fans, the homosexuals and minorities on the subway, Derek Jeter's cockblocking, etc.) that goes with it? Maybe when the Yankees were the clear favorite every season (relative to the rest of the field) to win a World Series title. But that ain't the case anymore; believe it or not, folks, there are places you can go these days to win a World Series while growing a beard at the same time.

The Yankees should be kissing Alex Rodriguez's Turtlewaxed ass right now, or at least show a little tact regarding his departure. That franchise has just received four seasons of the best player in baseball for, per annum, approximately what the Angels paid Bartolo Colon this season for the pleasure of watching him get fatter. At that price, the least they could have done was was protect him a little bit, and let the guys who were getting paid more by the team — namely Jason Giambi and Derek Jeter — take a little more of the heat. Instead, they treat him like a piece of shit for four years, let him take the fall for every series loss, and then tell him when he decides to hit the open market that he's an ungrateful asshole who doesn't appreciate the opportunity to be employed by such a classy and storied franchise. Like they did him a favor by letting him don the most overrated uniforms in baseball.

I, for one, am thinking this is the first few dots of a forming pattern. The Yankees' approach to dealing with the end of this season is downright Oedipean so far. Regardless of any particular critic's view of Torre's ability as a manager, he deserved better than that embarrassing outburst by the senile Steinbrenner — that interview should never have been granted by the Yankees — and the insulting contract offer. And say what you want about A-Rod and Boras, the younger Steinbrenner's classless comments as his best player (a player they've paid well below market value for) opts out of his contract will not only likely affect negotiations with Rivera and Posada negatively, but also send out a clear signal to top free agents that they'll have to give up more than long hair if they wish to play for the Yankees. I suspect that Hank Steinbrenner is going to be told, perhaps not politely, to shut the fuck up and let the non-amateurs handle media relations, but the damage might already be done. If I was an agent, the only way a top-line free agent of mine would be advised to sign with the Yankees is if they are offering well beyond what the competition is. I suspect real agents feel the same way.

Whether Yankees fans are willing to accept it or not, this is not the same franchise that became the official landing spot of every premier veteran free agent who wanted to win a ring before calling it a career. The "mystique" went out the door when the Red Sox mounted the most improbable comeback in the sport's history, and the façade of professionalism evaporated when players in the clubhouse started sniping to the media like a gaggle of drunk sorority girls when the subject of the team's best player came up. That A-Rod can probably get more money on the open market is only a part of his reasoning, I imagine. In terms of accomplishing his secondary goals — winning a World Series title and being adored by his fan base for his superlative talent — it's entirely likely that he and Boras have determined there are better settings out there. Make no mistake, teams like the Giants, Cubs and Angels will make sure he's commensurately compensated for his play, but almost as importantly, the fans in those cities won't stupidly claim the team's better off without him.

Reach for the sky, honky!

Friends, this is Bud Selig. Bud — also known as "Silky" to his close, personal friends — wants us to believe his pimp hand (foreground) is strong, albeit liver-spotted. It's an ongoing theme with Bud pretty much since he created the Wild Card; because most people thought that was a good idea, he took it as a sign that he had been granted a mandate. And, ever since, he's done as much as possible to convince every rational baseball fan that Ford Frick wasn't so bad after all.

State's evidence No. 1,263: Bud's "big idea" for the amateur draft.

I recently wrote that Scott Boras was "single-handedly responsible for destroying the slot system in the MLB draft," which is probably an overstatement (I know what you're thinking: Not you, Diesel!). Truth is, Boras hadn't destroyed the slot system so much as he had managed to convince large market teams to defy it, and small-market teams that weren't weren't willing to pony up over-slot bonuses to lay off the best prospects in the draft (for those who may not know, the slot system is nothing more than a "suggestion" by the MLB front office as to what should be paid to each draft pick; it's non-binding, and a team that goes above slot has to put up with angry phone calls from Bud's stooges who scream and yell and threaten to hold back goodies like money from the league's discretionary fund and the possibility of hosting future All-Star Games).

But the bottom line is that the vast majority of draftees still signed for slot, if they signed at all.

In the most recent CBA, Bud negotiated some changes to the draft system with the intention of striking at the bargaining power of draftees, ultimately in an attempt to make it easier for teams to stick to slot. The two most important changes were:

1) Moving the signing deadline up to August 15th, which eliminates the year-long negotiations that used to take place between players and teams, sometimes right up until the following draft;

2) Granting compensatory picks of roughly equal value in the subsequent draft for teams that were unable to sign their first-round picks (eg: If the Royals hadn't signed their No. 2 pick this season, they would have had the No. 2A pick in 2008, or the third pick overall.)

Then, just because he figured he could, Bud did something truly incredible: He actually set the slot bonuses 10 percent lower than they had been the year before. That, my friends, is the business equivalent to "Suck it, Trebeck."

One can only imagine the gigantic smile that stretched across Bud's face when this potion of the CBA was inked. Sure, this past offseason saw the San Francisco Giants sign perhaps the worst contract in the history of baseball (not to mention the Dodgers' and Astros' valiant attempts at the honor) and some of the most profligate free-agent spending, relative to the value of the dollar, in the game's history. But the idea of a prospect getting a couple of million really seemed to piss this guy off, and he had finally managed to rig the system as to make sure these heedless whelps would take what he said they should take.

Oops.

2006
Total amount spent on first-round bonuses: $57,017,093
Average amount spent on first-round bonuses: $1,900,570

2007
Total amount spent on first-round bonuses: $62,942,500
Average amount spent on first-round bonuses: $2,098,083

Increase in spending on bonuses: 10.39 percent
(Figures courtesy of BP minor-league guru Kevin Goldstein)

That, my friends, is what I call poetic justice.

Among the "Fuck You, Bud" highlights were:

• Boras client Matt Wieters (No. 5, Baltimore) was given a $6 million bonus, the largest in the history of the league for a draft pick;
• No. 27 pick Rick Porcello signed a four-year deal worth more than $7 million, the largest ever guaranteed compensation package for a prep player;
• The K.C. Royals, who have obeyed the slot more than a henpecked man throughout the years, ended up giving No. 2 pick Mike Moustakas a $4 million bonus, almost a full million over slot;
• Boras got a $1.1 million bonus for fifth-round pick Jake Arietta;
• The Yankees gave a major-league contract that could be worth $13 million total to No. 30 pick Andrew Brackman, a 6-foot-10 pitcher who's getting Tommy John Surgery in a couple of days.

In all, 14 first-round picks signed above-slot deals, though a handful of those were simply deals that didn't include the 10 percent discount from the 2006 slot recommendations.

My favorite tidbit from the entire ordeal, however, was what Dave Dombrowski reportedly said to Selig, who called to give him shit about the over-slot signing of Porcello: "At least we didn't spend $50 million just to talk to a pitcher from Japan." Now that is some hot smack.

The point isn't that Bud made things worse — Porcello, Wieters et al. would have signed record-setting deals no matter what — so much as he simply proved how hopeless he is as an administrator. His hard-on for draftee bonuses is inexplicable in the face of the kind of money being thrown around for players these days, but even if his concerns were justified, it's clear that he simply is incapable of understanding the consequences of his actions. All he managed to do this year was piss off everyone involved in the amateur draft process, including many of the teams who once followed slot recommendations as gospel. It's one thing, as a boss, to have all your employees hate you, but to have your peers and employers hate you as well is the hallmark of a man who simply can't do anything right.

Quoth an unnamed scouting director to BP's Goldstein: “You don’t roll back the clock in this business, not when there are $100 million contracts floating around. Everything is up, and then MLB tells teams to cut signing bonuses by 10 percent? Reasonable people don’t accept that.”

Boras?!? Maybe more like, "Big Asshole!"

Summarizing baseball's feelings about Scott Boras, the sport's most successful player agent, the Chicago Tribune's Rick Morrissey once wrote, "He is a very, very bad man. Exquisitely bad, in a foreclose-on-the-farm sort of way." When Boras brokered his latest jaw-dropping contract—a 10-year, $252 million "merger" between the Texas Rangers and shortstop Alex Rodriguez—the animus only intensified. Writing in the April issue of Esquire, Scott Raab called Boras "the Most Hated Man in Baseball, the heartless bastard hell-bent on destroying our National Pastime, the keen-eyed pimp of ball-hogging, bat-whipping, splitter-hurling youth."

- "Scott Boras, Motherhood and Apple Pie," Slate, May 9, 2001

That quote wasn't really cherry-picked; I can't think of another figure — save perhaps Barry Bonds — who can inspire more instances of bobbing for epithets than Boras. A three-second Google search will bring up an overwhelming number of journalistic hatchet jobs on Boras' reputation, and very few measured pieces that actually delves into something resembling reality.

(LATE EDIT: The author of the Esquire article, Scott Raab, has clarified that his comments about Boras were taken out of context in the Slate piece. Raab was being facetious, which is kinda obvious now, and ended up arguing against the blind hatred of Boras. I wish I could read the full article myself [and link to it], but Esquire hates poor bloggers. If anyone can find a copy, I'd love to read it)

The hyperbolic reaction that he receives from columnists is absolutely insane, and serves as proof that very few men of the major metro sidebar actually think for five seconds before forming an opinion on something. Boras has done nothing in his career except represent his clients, and their interests, to the best of his ability. That's his fucking job. It's like criticizing a defense attorney for getting his or her client acquitted. Of course, many baseball writers aren't willing to accept that this is a business involving two parties attempting to get rich off the other, and without talented representation, it would be the players who get ripped off by the millionaire/billionaire owners who don't suffer for negotiating acumen or astute legal advice.

Two major issues with Scott Boras coverage, specifically:

1) This man cannot possibly dictate the terms of players' careers as much as many columnists would have you believe. How many times, during the Carlos Beltran free agency bidding war, did we hear about Boras "steering" Beltran to Queens when the player really wanted to stay in Houston? Anyone with half a brain has to call bullshit; there is no fucking way that a player of Beltran's caliber was going to do anything he didn't want to do. Frankly, the attitude many of these columnists took with Beltran, and continue to take with all of Boras' clients, couldn't be more condescending if they referred to the player as "boy." Yeah, I realize that intelligence isn't a prerequisite for a baseball player, but to suggest that Boras gets to dictate the terms of his clients' careers is insulting and unacceptable.

2) Big salaries, for the last time, are not ruining the game, unless you believe the game needs to be played for free in order for it to have any value. Yes, I know, you would play the game for free, but that's because you suck at it and no one would want to watch you play. Yes, I know, $10 million is an insane sum of money, and it just seems greedy to want $20 million when $10 million should be more than enough. And yes, I know, ticket prices have gone through the roof, and you believe it's because of outrageous player salaries. But none of those arguments are actually rooted in logic; they're the kind of emotional responses one expects from six-year-olds. Grow the fuck up. Baseball revenues are counted in the billions, and that's almost totally because of the players themselves. If George Steinbrenner is going to get rich off of baseball, the persons responsible for his team's profits should be getting rich, too. And, the fact that a lot of people are getting really fucking rich is as much proof as you need that baseball is far from ruined. In fact, I couldn't think of a better time to be a baseball fan.

More: Boras is almost solely responsible for destroying the "slot" system in the MLB draft, a system that served to move almost all the risk associated with a baseball career onto the players, leaving the owners in a situation where they were guaranteed low-risk, high-reward investments in prospects. That the odds of any particular draftee finally making it to the league — not to mention be good enough or lucky enough to play long enough to earn a commensurate wage through free agency — are so staggeringly against any individual player is the main reason why Boras' advocacy was so needed. A player should take every opportunity he has to get paid as much as possible, since a long athletic career is so improbable. If a pitching prospect blows out his shoulder in High-A thanks to mismanagement, his career is effectively over, and teams wouldn't think twice about casting him off to the land of used auto sales. He has every right to ask a team to make a sizable investment in what they perceive as potential, big-league talent. There is strong evidence to support that the cautious, safety-oriented approach taken with most top prospects is owed almost entirely to the fact that teams are making multi-million dollar investments in top-level prospects. That's a positive for everyone involved. Furthermore, owners still stand to make huge profits for relatively low investments, even with the "outrageous" bonuses that are being given to top draft picks. Sure, paying a guy who plateaus in Double-A a million bucks stings, but paying Albert Pujols roughly $500k/season to produce DiMaggio-like makes all of those failures well worth it.

(Aside: Not all criticism of Boras is off-base; Peter Gammons recently argued that Boras' handling of prospects in his private training facility might actually be hurting the players in question. Interesting stuff.)

In short, it's flabbergasting to me that the kind of weak populism that colors the criticism of huge contract figures for baseball players serves only to benefit the fattest cats of them all, the owners. Anyone who wants to tell me that David Glass, Carl Pohlad or — gasp — the motherfucking Yawkeys are more sympathetic characters than A-Rod, Barry Zito or Carlos Beltran should be slapped in the face in that frenchy, limp-wristed, glove-in-hand way.