OK, out the window with the baseball argument, your side of which has become so convoluted that it's difficult for my poor traditional logic-and-reason-loving brain to follow. A few ancillary points:
1. You drop the "straw man" line about once a month, and yet you have never pointed out a legitimate straw man in your opponent's argument. You use it like most people use "begs the question" (meaning improperly, which, I believe, is a pet peeve of yours). Also, the most common phrasing is "attacking straw men," because of the origin of the metaphor (something military, I think). "Standing on straw men" is a mixed metaphor. Unless you're trying to innovate by making a cliche more fresh, in which case, sir, I commend thee.
2. Correlation certainly does imply causality. It doesn't prove it, but it sure as hell can and does imply it. Especially when you're talking about a nearly universal correlation in a sample size of roughly 150 starting pitchers, league-wide.
3. Joe Morgan seriously wrote Baseball for Dummies? I had no idea. And now I'm speechless. I wonder if it's too late to cancel the other Christmas present I was going to send you...
(spoiler: it's a huge man made of straw. I stole the straw from the Winterhaven hay rides that are currently clogging up every street within a square mile of my house and I made it myself. So I guess it's actually a hay man. Sorry.)