The Stupidest Thing I've Seen All Day, April 14

But first a trivia question: who currently leads the NL in homers with 6? Don't look it up.

TSTISAD honors for this fine Saturday go to Charlie Manuel, for something like the tenth straight day. Top 7, Phils up 7-5, Carlos Ruiz singles to lead off the inning, advances to second on a wild pitch. No outs and Charlie trots out the formidable Greg Dobbs, a 28-year-old corner infielder with 232 career ABs.

(By the way, I sure am glad we kept Greg Fucking Dobbs on the roster instead of the guy the Inquirer called a "Philly folk hero," a 34-year-old feel-good rookie who also happened to hit .330 for us last year and who plays five positions including catcher. Why did we do that? Because Greg Dobbs used to play for Seattle. Thanks, Gillick. It worked with Ryan Franklin, right? Right?)

Anyway, so his team's up 2 runs and in good shape to tack on another, which is a good thing since our bullpen's collective VORB has been about -8.7 so far. Your team's 2-8 after the first ten and already five back in the East, Charlie. It's Greg Dobbs batting, for chrissakes. J-Roll is on deck, he of the uppercut swing and NL East-leading 6 homers (trivia question answered), a guy prone to warning-track popups. Of course you bunt Ruiz over and hope Rolly knocks him in with a sac fly or a base knock.

Not Charlie Manuel. Nope, he loves him some Greg Dobbs, enough to let him swing away and pop out weakly to second. Great fucking managerial decision, you dunce-cap dickhead.

Ruiz scored anyway, thanks to an infield single by former Hawaii state 100m champion Shane "The Flyin' Hawaiian" Victorino. But strategerizing like that is part of the reason the Phils are in last place and C-Man's already on the hot seat two weeks into the season.

I'm going on the record and giving him until late May.

Oh God, Flash is in. Gotta go steel myself.

Runners-up for TSTISAD:

Thom Brennaman's latest nugget: "Antonio Alfonseca has been reborn here in Philly." The Octopus has pitched five innings as a Phil.

Another: "The scout who signed Alfonseca for the Marlins in '89 gave him his nickname, 'El Pulpo.'" Which Marlins existed in '89? The Port-Au-Prince Marlins of the Machete Revolution League?