The first-even TGWNA liveblog!

I'm watching the Eagles game at home for the first time in years, because it's on TV and I actually have cable, and because I'm not sure if I should be out in public if the Eagles should happen to fall to 0-2 (which won't happen). You know you're pumped.

Here's how it's going to work: a different post for each quarter. I'll just keep editing it and adding on, so you can scroll to the end for new stuff. Not too complicated.

Pregame. Just ordered some pizza. Got my home Donovan McNabb jersey on, because I seem to have lost my black Dawkins gear, which is a tragedy of epic proportions. I can't even think about that right now. And after last week, the Westbrook Super Bowl jersey is one more stupid loss away from being retired permanently. Nothing but bad luck, that thing, ever since the SB.

Tom Jackson just picked the Redskins! Fuck you, Tom Jackson! Where's the loyalty? Even Steve Young and Emmitt picked the Eagles. (I think Young picked Philly -- it's hard to tell through the mumbles).

EVERY STATE IN AMERICA HAS PICKED THE EAGLES TO WIN! Ha ha! DC's not even a state, you bitches! I never thought I'd be so happy to see an all-red map of America. You vote for a team from a non-state and the terrorists win!

Stay tuned for the first quarter. My prediction: Eagles by six.

And Mike Tirico just called the NFC East the most attractive conference in football! I know that when I think of South Philly, DC, the Meadowlands, and Dallas, the first word that comes to mind is "attractive." That, and "unidentified black male."

Somebody steal Michelle Tafoya's spatula! Jesus, woman!

Suzy Kolber, you are one hot Jewess ...

AND WE'VE GOT A RENO MAHE SIGHTING! Suzy tells us he's living in a hotel! Can't he just crash with Vai? What happened to this Pacific Islander sense of family? Hey Reno: if you ever need a place to crash in San Francisco, call a brother!

Nice opening montage of Donovan mumbling and talking about naysayers. Jesus, enough already! TO'S GONE! RUSH LIMBAUGH WAS FIRED! SHUT UP ABOUT THE NAYSAYERS! GO PLAY FOOTBALL, YOU DOUCHE!