Friday, September 07, 2007

And now, the first real test

Oops, Cardinals fans. Can anyone do anything for that franchise without either doping or becoming mortally injured?

You know, I really hate St. Louis in general, and its sports fans in particular. Everyone talks about how "great" the fans there are, but they only seem to be "great" when said player is white, pretends to be "aw shucks" about everything and doesn't ask to be paid what the market dictates he should be. Plus, they didn't kill off the Mormons when they had the chance, which is enough to condemn the entire state to eternal damnation (yes, I know St. Louis isn't anywhere close to that, but screw your "facts." St. Louis is the reason you can't get a beer in SLC with more than 5 percent alcohol, and I ain't hearin' any differently).

But, I'm not here to shed light on my irrational hatred of everything St. Louis. I am here to wonder, in written form, what the reaction is going to be from those red-clad, holier-than-thou Cardinals fans now that their Golden Boy has his name on the fucking HGH receipt.

Something tells me, no matter how lame Ankiel's apologia, the fans will figure out some way to justify it and look past it.

Look, I don't really care. First, HGH doesn't help baseball players, unless they're concerned about how they look in the shower. Second, I think the "outrage" over doping in baseball is 80 percent media and the rest a vocal minority of idiots who don't seem to realize that there are plenty of things to get all moralistic over these days that are a little more lofty in reach than professional athletics.

But I do love watching sanctimonious assholes get it shoved right back in their face. Who's the first St. Louis columnist to admit all the platitudes he crapped out about Ankiel were misdirected? Who's the first national columnist to admit that PED use really isn't restricted to giant, easily targeted sluggers like McGwire and is instead was (and probably still is) endemic throughout the entire game? And who's going to be the guy to admit that maybe it's time we moved on and stopped making Bonds the scapegoat for this entire issue? Because, believe it or not folks, your blue-eyed, Aryan heroes were/are just as juiced as those uppity blacks and latinos.

4 comments:

Pat said...

Again, Diesel, your absolute disdain for David Eckstein — and intolerance of people who think otherwise — has led you to make a gross overstatement about a group of people.
St. Louis fans are pretty good ones, I believe; the fact their current team is verrrry white should have little to do with it.
A brief rundown of great Cardinals of the past 20 years should show that they don't much care about race, at least on the baseball field. (In real life, I've seen both good and bad examples).
Ozzie Smith is the most beloved Cardinal I've ever seen; Jose "Secret Weapon" Oquendo is a cult legend there -- his jersey might be the fifth- or sixth-most popular in the stands; Pujols is not white, last I checked; Willie McGee is still revered; and whatnot. Shit, people even like Vince Coleman.
What I find the most hilarious about the above post is this — the team you and I root for might be the whitest franchise since de-segregation.
Beside Tony Gwynn, who is the best minority to ever play for the Padres? Benito? Robbie Alomar? Can you think of anyone else?
(And when I call Robbie Alomar a "minority," it is to mean he is gay).
Are any of us surprised that the STL is probably vehemently defending Rick right now? Hell no.
But that's because their homers — hell, they're fans, maybe in the worst Ostrich -head-in-the-sand way.
But they're not racist, at least when it comes to sports.
Regards,
Red Herring Crippleloving Show Me State Defender

Diesel said...

Dave Winfield is black! He went into the Hall as a Pad!

In all seriousness, the post is a little more tongue-in-cheek than you give me credit for, though I really do hate St. Louis and everything it stands for.

I don't hate David Eckstein; he can be the 25th man on my team any day.

- Diesel

Anonymous said...

Know a sanctimonious asshole? See sendhole.com.

Pepe said...

Wes Chamberlain and the rest of your 1993 Phillies take umbrage at your suggestion that the Padres are the whitest franchise since segregation.